Why am I totally different than others? Why do I have a problem with my basic knowledge about society and reality? Why am I dumb and stupid?
07.06.2025 10:34
You know, to the contrary, just as much as I know this stuff, it doesn't change the fact that I still like women(I accept them for being that way, now the metaphorical curtian is lifted for me personally), I know not all women are like that, as I ran into one's who were down to earth, direct communicators who have nothing to hide, and mean moody one's who say it as they perceive it, as I respect their honesty and they have attractive traits which I admire, but do not get me wrong, I perfer women be strait with me and all, I don't mind moodiness, as I can sympathize with them, but I prefer they are kind and considerate despite their moodiness and being direct with me, as the kindness and emotional support, heck, even physical support, is treasured foremost out of what attracts me the most to them, as well as compliments for my achievements for them, no matter how small the deed.
As for liberal environments, sure they have equal accountability, but the way they go about it is being too strict of keeping their kids basically living in a sort of prisoners existence, go to school, go to after school electives, get strait A's or get scolded metaphorically speaking, never leave the house, always come directly home from school, don't talk to anyone, as they are not allowed to make friends, they are not allowed to go to wild parties, and they are not allowed to date anyone, which makes them most vonurable to getting molested by family members and weirdos of close family friends and babysitters, as they don't have any experience of what to do, due to being coddled like a baby all their lives, as their first sexual experience becomes who they become attracted to, as it fucks them up mentally, so by the time they do become adults and can make their own decisions, they are so messed up, that they don't obey the law because they never learned it from having friends, never getting into trouble, never going to wild parties, and having no experience in the real world, as they act entitled and start screaming about how everything challenging offends them, as they party, set things on fire, and riot, as if to make up for the childhood they never had.
So if you live in a different reality aside from living in a strict existence, and think different from everyone else and given you don't hate or want to hurt anyone, then you are just fine just the way you are. You are pretty cool and normal in my book.
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I was doing fine after recieving help till I grew accustomed, but everything went smoothly till one day I met some girl my age, at the age of 9, who wanted sex from me. Back then, I saw sex as a joke that adults do naked, because I assumed they were crazy. I humored to play “the game”, and played, as it fucked me up, a new insight in a broadened horizon I never knew before, I wanted more, but she didn’t and avoided me, she torchured me, as what she really wanted was for me to have sex with someone else to create a scene so she could revel on it and get a sick thrill from it, I resisted the urges no matter what, and there were a lot of girls who had the hots for me, but what they wanted was for me to kiss them on the lips and to hold their hand, not sex, so I made friends with them instead, and competed with them competitively for fun, as the urges were always there, I just knew I was too young to act on them for my age, so I didn't. It was the hardest 4 years of my life as I ran into a girl who was clearly molested when she was younger, and I knew she had dirty thoughts about me when I wasn't over at her house playing, but still, I resisted, and besides she was too mentally affected by the trauma of what she went through, to even act on her urges, as for her it was more mental imagination fantasy and not actually acting on it, as I could see her drooling over me when hanging out, but she tried to play it off like she was just being silly, which I pretended to buy, and just went with it. The problem with youths and sex back then was if caught by your parents, they would be sent to some religious school for abstinence training, as you go through the whole parents yelling back and forth to each-other scenario, as my family had enough on their plate with paying bills and buying us food, that was the last thing they needed, so no matter how much she drooled for me, I just played it off like she was being silly, as we both wanted to fuck each-other, but neither of us could act on it, so we never did, but she didn't know I wasn't a virgin, as I never told her, knowing what would happen if I did.
I grew up in both environments as the Conservative traditionalist are blinded by hypocrisy under lack of equal representation, they are hard on their men and they let their women do whatever the fuck they please as they are more lienent on the women than they are the men, setting themselves up for creating liberals through rebellion, by their own women due to entitlements that they raised them on, as they teach the women all men are bad and they only want one thing, throughout their entire lives till they grow up to be Feminist who believe we live in a “patriarchy” in some “rape culture”, and they wonder where they got it from. Take a good look in the mirror Conservatives, you taught them that, it is your own faults, now own up to it.
Don't get me wrong, I knew there were women like that, I just didn't know traditionally raised women would become them, as I was under the impression that only getting hooked on street drugs does that to women through the addiction of partying, as they gave it away to drug dealers to feed their addictions, as payment to get more drugs, but I didn't know spoiled princesses were immoral, as I assumed they would just see themselves as better and only try to date the very best men in a competitive market of most of them being taken already due to none of them being left, like playing musical chairs, they would have no choice but to settle for less than perfect, which would be common sense, as that would of granted hope for their pick of the litter for men who they found interesting by personality, charm, and character, in turn being more happier than their other female contenders, raising a loving family with a man who idolized her for granting him children and loving him unconditionally.
Why do you think Filipinos are conservatives?
Likely you might be like me, and if you are, just give it time, don't rush it. Just take it one day at a time, and learn different things and perspectives in life just by living your life and doing the best you can at it. You will understand people better like I did.
You might relate if you are like me. As for my nature as to why I am the way I am. I used to be the scientist type of kid of “What happens if I do this?”, only to find out a lot of things were dangerous and stupid to try, but whenever I noticed something was unfair, I would point it out which always got me into trouble. I hung out with everyone regardless of who they were even homeless people, trying to figure them out and make friends with them, they were honest and friendly because I was a clueless child, I also used to argue with my teachers in preschool due to malpractice in favoritism for certain students as I didn't believe in Liberal teachers favoritism, and I didn't back down from their physical assaulting or manipulation, which got me kicked out of school, but they got in trouble because I never folded to intimidation nor physical violence towards me, and always told on them because they threatened me. If they didn't, then I wouldn't have told anyone and dealt with it myself in my own way, teaching them how to be good teachers. Most my methods worked 110%.
Through four years of ignoring my urges, it turned me into a nervous wreck when I turned 13, who was afraid of women, because women can have sex with you, and make you thirsty for more, but just leave you hanging, as I didn't want to get hurt like that again, so I was scared of them. I still liked them, but how I liked them was based on my first sexual experience, as I delusionally believed that you first hold hands, then you kiss them, then you have sex with them, within 3 days of getting to know them, and she sticks around afterwards whenever you both want to have sex again, as I was afraid of them hooking up with me and leaving me high and dry, as I perceive love as developing feelings through having sex, where you love a woman and want to protect her because you care about her emotionally deeply unconditionally as a companion you want to share your life with, as sex is just the welcoming door into the relationship itself.
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What pissed me off the most was the whole spoil your daughter's while being hard on your son's fiasco, as I predicted if you kept doing that, the girls would grow up and become entitled narcissist with a high ego complex while the men would turn into cowards of nervous submissive trainwrecks, which that combination does not mix when it comes to compatibility, and would divide the sexes with women thinking the submissive men would be too inferior, as the women would think they were better than them, as my conclusion was, that wouldn't work out, but they disagreed and tried to virtue signal me with shaming language that didn't make any sense whatsoever because it didn't apply to the current times, it was completely illogical. My theory turned out true, but I didn't know they would turn into women who give sex freely to anyone like they are in a candy store getting free candy because of it, that part I didn't guess to know, as my young naive self perceived everyone as moral and loyal, so that information shocked me.
You are probably subconsciously highly intelligent. I was that way growing up. I noticed causality and the root to problems, only when I addressed them, people either thought I was weird, they wanted to fight me over it, or they thought I was crazy, turned out all my concerns turned out to become problematic up to now, 33–25 years later, depending on the subject nature at hand. It feels good after years of doubt and being called crazy, convinced I was crazy, only for all my concerns to turn out to be truths.
I highly doubt you are dumb, just different, as your perspective is different than everyone else's. I don't know if you are being raised in the Liberal environment or the traditional Conservative environment, but if you are in any one of those two environments, thinking different from the both of them is usually the correct choice.
What fucked me up worse is once I grew accustomed to accepting my environment that I am just fucked up considering everyone moves at a slower pace in relationships than I preferred, I accepted it and let it be, then one of the most hottest girls I wanted to fuck the shit out of, is at my next door neighbors house all spread eagle butt ass naked fucking my next door neighbor, as I thought everyone was moving slowly, but this is a whole different level, if I knew I could fuck her, I would of asked her, but I didn't know she wasn't a virgin as well, but here she is all butt ass naked having sex and she was excited to see me while having sex saying “Hi” to me, as I wanted to go next, but that wasn't an option unfortunately, as we left and partied at my place instead. I will always want to have sex with her and because I cannot get rid of that visual image of her being so happy to see me, while having sex in cowgirl position. I wanted her, but I thought she was another virgin, so I let it go, only to see that, and now I live with regrets. She is married now, so it is too late, but I will always want to have sex with her for as long as I live, due to that vivid visual image in my head. I feel is if I got it over with, I can let it go, but now it is impossible and sadly, I am a moral man. What is funny though is that girl has the same name as the first girl who took my virginity, only it was a different girl with different colors of energy and a different aura. My first had pink, red, and purple energy looming from her soul, and pink orange energy was looming from her while we were having sex. This girl had pure life green mixed with brown study, with dark green gold, almost silver energy looming from her soul aura.
I wasn't ready to go to school till I turned 5, as I begged my mom to enroll me, because it just felt right at the time. I was the student who once I learned to read and do math, became like Johnny 5 from Short Circuite the movie, always thirsty for new knowledge, got bored waiting to get to the next chapter, read ahead of the class several chapters ahead of everyone else, as I didn't know that school chapters had false narratives to fool the students into believing one thing one day, then change the narrative to granting a more broadened perspective to the lie they told in a previous chapter the next, as I hated that and wanted the full story, as I never played along, arguing with my teachers that the chapters narrative was false, and I got sent to study hall a lot for doing that. I got bullied a lot for not hanging out in one group of people, as I got bored easily of playing four square and basketball, and wanted to mix it up, other students didn't like that, and bullied me for it, I cannot for the life of me do the exact same thing every day or I will go crazy, as I have to mix it up. As for school in general, I was a strait A student, but I had a hard time figuring out where the classes were, even looking at the school directory, it was like the map was backwards and diagonally backwards, as the Class C2 which was my science class, according to the map directory was the corner trailer SW of the campus, so I go there, exactly as the map said, and the door says J1, so back to the directory map, I go NE direction instead, I end up at B3, so back to the map, and I go NW this time, and I find buildings C, as I count and look for C2 starting from the bottom corner SW, I cannot find it, mainly because on the map directory, it doesn’t have 4 trailer classes that aren’t actually classes at all, but I go to them, all 4 doors are blank, and by the time I got to the highest 6th door up, it was C1, then the 5th up to the right was C2, the map directory lied, and I got a referal for being late to class. The class was the 5th trailer up in a group of 6 trailers, SE of the school, and not the SW corner of the school, like the lying directory map stated. That lying map made me late for every class. I always got strait A’s without the being late to class nonesense. I had to ask for help which I hated doing because classes kept switching buildings every year.
If you can see colors looming from people's outlines of their bodies, it is kind of normal from a metaphysical perspective, just not a normal every day society perspective. It serves in helping you distinguish between people who have selfish intentions versus those who have the most goodest intentions. If you looked at me, you would mostly see dark green meaning I am just horny, light green which shows human empathy for the love of all creation and all the people I care about, brown study on the edges showing I am a student of life and learning, and pure silver in the middle, meaning my intentions in life are pure and from the deepest part of my heart. Dark colors except for blue and brown have selfish motives behind them, light colors have good intentions behind them, and middle color auras are obviously in between both. Purple auras are usually around crimal bosses or jail bosses. Orange auras are usually people who overwork you to the bone who are overly energetic, but with the cost of it doing straining to their physical bodies, as they always end up paying for it at the end of the day, getting fatigue which is a dark red poop color and black shade aura. I digress.
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